A new restaurant gets ready to open with a nervous proprietor (Busy Philipps). Featuring two new stories: “How Do You Scare a Mermaid?”, a song about one narrator’s startling obsession, written by Lainey, a 9 year old from Wisconsin, and “Chickening,” a story about the newest craze to sweep the nation, written by an 11 year old from Maryland named Camilo.
Scroll down for the original stories behind the episode!
Illustration by Camila Franklin
Original Stories
How Do You Scare a Mermaid?
by Lainey, age 9, Wisconsin
Narrator: Hello everyone, today, we are venturing into the woods, to the ocean, TO TRY TO SCARE A MERMAID!
(Narrator reaches the ocean)
Narrator: Mermaid, show yourself!
Mermaid: Hello, I bet you came to scare me.
Narrator: Yes I have! Are you afraid of the dark?
Mermaid: No
Narrator: Bigfoot?
Mermaid: No.
Narrator: Drowning?
Mermaid: Is that a joke? Fine, I'll tell you what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of .... The end!
Narrator: What?
Chickening
by Camilo, age 11, Maryland
Chickening is a state of mind and a culture because anything can Chickening.
Steps to learning how to Chickening:
1. Bring arms to waist
2. Stick hands out horizontally
3. Have arms hover just off of the waist
4. Eyes meet middle distance
5. Sag shoulders
6. Stick out almost all of your tongue lazily
7. Turn in circles slowly and move upper body up and down slowly while flapping hands like wings
When Chickening is appropriate:
• Distracting anyone for any purpose
• Blending in with chickens
• Any reason any time any place any reality
Story Spark
Lainey, who wrote “How Do you Scare a Mermaid?" is presenting this week's Story Spark!
Write a story about a character who adopts the pet they’ve always dreamed of. Is it a REAL animal? Is it a mythical creature? How does the pet feel about getting adopted? And what if your character’s family doesn’t want the pet to be there? How does your character convince their family to let it stay?
Roll Call Stories
The Renaissance Fair
by Lilou, age 8, California
Once Ethan took his pal Zach to the renaissance fair. It was really fun! They found a guy selling turkey legs and bought some. Then they walked around in a corner with not many people. they saw an artist. They walked over to him. He told them he could make them anything they wanted to be. Ethan said he wanted to be a knight. Zach said he wanted to be a Jester. As the artist started painting, they realized they were not at the fair anymore. They had REALLY travelled back in time! When Ethan looked down, he realized he was an actual knight in armor! Zach was wearing a green and purple jester costume and instead of eating a turkey leg, he had them for actual legs! Another knight walked up to them and challenged Ethan to a duel. They got out their swords and started fighting. When the other knight was winning, Zach started telling him jokes and doing tricks! Then, Zach winked at Ethan and Ethan softly poked him in the back. The knight told Ethan that he had won. Now the boys wanted to find that artist. When they saw him, they interrupted him when he was saying he could make them anything they want to be and told him they wanted to go back to regular. When he was done painting, they were back at the fair. The End.
The Cheese Relic of Immortality
by Camden, age 11, Arizona
JEFF:A millennia ago, a prophecy was foretold of the powerful cheese relic created from the magic milk of the omega cow. The prophecy said he who touches the cheese would become one with the cheese and be granted extraordinary abilities, along with immortality. The prophecy stated that they who seek the cheese must plunge into the mouth of the cow, and be faced with the cheesy trials.
BOB: Are you talking to yourself again? I already know about the trials; you told me 87 times!
JEFF: Um, just giving you a recap.
BOB: oooooookkkkkkaaaaayyyyyyyyyy..........................
JEFF: There! Let’s strut into that cow-shaped cave, not paying attention to the floor!
Walk, walk, walk, DROP! Our heroes drop into the hole in the cave.
BOTH: OOOFFFF!!!
BOB: I think I fractured my tailbone!???: who seeks the cheese of immo-
JEFF:(interrupts) Who are you????: (disgruntled by the rude interruption) I am The cheese guardian, guardian of the cheese relic of immortality.
BOB: wait, your first name is The cheese guardian, guardian of the cheese relic of immortality?
GUARDIAN: yes.
BOB: Huh, seems a little redundant.
JEFF: Agreed.
GUARDIAN: Okay, okay, whatever, forget my name! Let me tell you the trials!(In deep, ominous voice) First, you must cross the lake of yogurt without sinking into its quagmire-like dairy depths . Next, you must ride Scott, the flaming cow, without bursting into flame! Finally, you must drink the whole goblet of eggnog as fast as possible without throwing up!
JEFF: I Accept the trials! Bob, let’s go!
BOB: Sorry, but I’m allergic to dairy, so I’ll just chill back here.
JEFF: No matter, I will complete the trials alone!
RIVAL: Halt, I too will compete in these trials for the cheese relic!
JEFF: (GASP) A plot twist antagonist rival character!? Oh, the irony!
GUARDIAN: let the trials begin! On the count of three, you will cross the lake of yogurt! 3...2...1 GO.
JEFF: (jumps in) Woah, this is so hard! I’m swimming and swimming and, oh, it is only a foot deep. I can just walk. (whistles while walking)(Rival, who hasn’t noticed he can just walk, struggles through, panting and gasping.
JEFF: HUZZAH! I have crossed the finish line! I won the first trial!
RIVAL: WHAT! HE WALKED ALL THE WAY! THAT’S CHEATING!
GUARDIAN: technically, I only said you have to cross. ON TO THE NEXT TRIAL
!(The competitors are now in a room with a cow who is on fire (Scott))
GUARDIAN: When I say go, the first one to jump on Scott and ride across the finish line shall win! GO!
JEFF: Hey Scott, mind if I ride you?
SCOTT: I’m Scott.
JEFF: Think that’s yes. Oh, mind extinguishing yourself first?
SCOTT: I’m Scott.
JEFF: thank you.(All while Scott and Jeff are talking,
RIVAL is struggling to board scott.)(Jeff easily crosses the finish line.)
JEFF: HUZZAH! I won the second trial! Remember, saying please and may I, usually works.
GUARDIAN: ONTO THE FINAL TRIAL! When I say go, guzzle up all the eggnog out of your goblets. The fastest finish wins. If you throw up, you are disqualified. GO!(Jeff drinks all his eggnog in one gulp.)
RIVAL: No, I hate eggnog!
GUARDIAN: Well then, Jeff wins!
JEFF: HUZZAH! I am now the owner of the cheese relic! Let me have it, NOW.
GUARDIAN: As you wish.
(Guardian hands Jeff the cheese, delicately, laying on a small, fancy pillow.)
(Jeff extends his finger to touch it, but the story ends right when he’s about to.)
THE END
The Pigeon That Sneezed Into Space
by Iris, age 7, Vermont
Once upon a time, there lived a pigeon with beaks all around his head, and two giant eyes. One eye was on the front of his head and one was on the back of his head. He had twenty tiny wings on each side of his body. He had ten toes on each foot. And whenever he sneezed, his tail caught on fire and he turned into a rocket ship and went up into space! If he needed to come down to Earth, he started coughing and he would come down and turn back into a pigeon. And when he burped, he started dancing—and do you know what kind of dance? He danced an Irish jig!
One time he turned into a rocket and went to space, where he found a space car dealership. He opened the door and went inside, and turned back into a pigeon. He could also turn invisible, and anything he touched could turn invisible. So he went into the car dealership and when he walked on the floor the floor turned invisible. When the guy that owned the dealership came in, he thought the floor disappeared! He could see through the floor into space and was so confused. He didn’t know why the cars weren’t falling down into space.
Since the guy couldn’t see the pigeon, the pigeon stole a car and drove away. Then the car turned invisible, but the floor turned visible again. The man in the dealership was so happy and thought “whew, the floor is back!” And he didn’t even know the pigeon had stolen the car. The pigeon drove the car out of the dealership, and he thought the car would be falling the whole way down. But instead of falling the whole way down, the car turned into a rocket ship and brought him back to Earth. When he landed, the rocket ship turned back into a car and he started driving away. But since he didn’t have a license BY THE WAY! (he tried to get one once, but that’s another story) because he’s a bird--a very weird bird--he was really terrible at it. He crashed into a lot of other cars and the police and a lot of other people started chasing him. Surprisingly, his car didn’t get damaged because space cars do not break. So it just crashed into all the cars in town, even the ones in people’s driveways. Then he became the bad pigeon, and now he has a little t-shirt that says “I’m the Bad Pigeon” with a picture of his head on it. No pigeons want to get married with him.
If you ever see a pigeon driving a car with beaks all around his head, it’s probably him. But just watch out for I’m a Bad Pigeon—that’s what people call him now. And if you’re near a pigeon that sneezes, be careful because that might be him. He might have changed by now and looks like a regular pigeon. But if he sneezes, he’ll go right back into space. And if he burps while he’s going into space, then you know what happens….. he’ll do the Irish jig while going into space! THE END
The Raccoon Incident
by Arlo, age 6, Maryland
